Random Musings on the Movies Last Week

Have we been cheated or have we been cheated.... Shoddy scripts and unbelieveable acting made up for the on screen persona and off screen turmoils at the movies last week.A certain man named Uday Chopra who bears no resemblance to the Legendary Prem Chopra, but claims to be a scion of the Chopra family sent one billion people across India on a silent prayer and enhanced the sales of disprin in the pharmaceutical market that grew by 200%. His Pyar Impossible was an impossible piece of work that roped in a certain young dame again a Chopra but a more credible one named Priyanka who it so appears was shooting for the movie during one of her routine trips to the fashion vistas in Paris where she had to possibly collect her latest Louis Vuiton outfit. And why not, Uday Chopra has proven hs acting skills to the extent  that actresses are shying away from being paired with him. So this guy turns producer, invites this woman over to play a role and she politely refuses,citing reasons for a certain show with the Paris fashionistas. However, our man Uday Chopra is not a man to give up. he flexes his plexus and demonstrates some reflexes that amount to a humble prayer to have her in the movie devoid of any cosmetic change and just be around to save him from the wrath he brought forth Yash Chopras visage when he made the deicision to turn producer. And so it seems that the movie tried hard to upsell itself and its one time director Jugal Hansraj who hasnt lost his innocence and naivette one bit since his last memorable movie Masoom over 30 years ago . His naivette impacted him so much that he decided to find answers to his failures by getting an equally incompetent actor come over and burn some cash to redeem himself and give him the courage to portray that he is not Masoom after all. While the audience did wish to sympathize with Jugal, they did not find an opportune moment to do so, as they were busy sifting through Websters and Encylopedia Britannica to shower him with the choicest of words and then drum up some sense to refrain from entering into such a venture one more time. I guess, Yash Chopra had a premonition,  with Uday at the helm of affairs and decided the timing to be appropriate to launch not one but five serial soaps starting 1st of January. each portraying some aspect that the chopra clan wished to have been gifted with- a mind of their own, a bundle of supernatural powers, guts to sort the wheat from the chaff and find a joda for this funny character the Ali of Dhoom. Too bad the last is amongst the remotest probability. Not satisfied with the effort to salvage his name and fame and money that was washed down through the impossible efforts of Uday Chopra, and burdened by the responsibility to answer an unruly mob that was unrepentant about burning its fortunes on the idiocy of the great Pyar testimonial, Uncle Yash decided to personally help one and all harried by the experience, by offering a trip to the exotic locales in Switzerland in collaboration with SOTC to cool their heels and heads. He almost got on to say that Switzerland is a place close to his heart and he has been inspired by its beauty to shoot the innumerable movies that he did.We sure are aware of the reason behind these frequent escapades to the Swiss Alps now!!This apparently landed Sridevi with fever after her stint in Chandini and Shahrukh with a chill so much so that he was left uttering K.K.K... kIRAN for well over two years and decided it was his birthright to play a psycopath in order to avenge himself of being part of this wonderful camp. While some believed in redeeming themselves in this age and generation, there was a certain tribe that decided to carry on its diatribe over several generations. Tucked in the jungles of Vietam was this dynasty of Cholas who decided to give themselves a break by using their age old weapons to fight a bunch of policemen who were busy practicing paratrooping on the deserts of Rajasthan until among the several thousands one man, Aayirathil Oruvan, comes and tries to bash up the bad guys and has fun along the way with two women who leave him confused and have him and his battalion help find a lost treasure. Somewhere inbetween Selvaraghavan, the squint eyed director of the movie realizes midway on the flight /trek to the Vietnam jungles through the Rajasthan desert( did the Vietnam Government launch a bus service from Rajasthan recently?) that he needs to wrap up the movie. The movie drove its producers wild enough   to force Selvaraghavan to portray all that they could do to him once the movie got done. Realizing his folly our man decides to work his way up and finally ends up making a historical duel of a movie that was touted long before its release as an adventure. Unfortunately, the casting was hard to find and hence he ventured into the jungles of Congo and hired all of the Zulu tribe he could find,  at a cost that would have the Indian Railways begging for a second turnaround strategy. In desperation, the director decided to wrap up his act on the tribe and get done before the Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu could issue an arrest warrant for intentionally inflicting torture and misleading young kids into adopting barbarinism as a promising career option. But then relief was just around the corner, only when the turmoil was almost intolerable, Robert Downey Jr, decided to set things right and identify the reasons for the irrational behaviour at the movies and beomes Sherlock Holmes who enjoys all the good things in life and yet solves a good case of mumbo jumbo leaving the viewers asking for more. But alas, it was not meant to be.A certain Ken Ghosh from Bengal decided that its important for people to understand how hard it was for him to get a break in the movies and punish people for not giving him a chance at the right time,by launching another long yarn that prided itself in calling itself Chance Pe Dance. Nothing could be more reminiscent of a slippery banana peel. Geared  to get the audience running away from the screens he gets an equally beligerent Adnan Sami who through rigorous riyaz of "Lift Karadey" lost a cool 120 kgs but retained a brain mass of 500 kgs.  Sloshed in a bottle of alcohol, Adnan decided to compose the music in a stupor that apparently lead him to consider that he was equivalent to a certain Oscar genius A.R.Rahman and got into a nasty tiff with a guy who had come with plain intentions of tolerating all that was portrayed on screen,so much so that Adnan was left off with a warning by the Police Commissioner for having chided daddys child dearest. Clueless about the ruckus around the movie, poor boy Shahid and just out of college, Genelia  practiced hard  on their dance moves  to justify the title. Shahid developed his packs  with feverish regularity in the hope that audience would admire his looks and consider him to be a good actor, until Ken discovered through a closeup camera shot that Shahid did not have 6 but 8 packs.Shahid overjoyed to the hilt decided to go the Salman khan way and make his 8 packs the focus of a movie that left the audience asking for an icepack. Phew!!! I guess I am going to need some icepacks and generous doses of aspirin, as well  after consuming all the movie junk that came along my way last week. Mummy dear once said long ago...beta sweater pehno aur kam khao else you will need Hajmola...i wish i had heeded
Signing Off.....
Eashwar